Please, stop.

I’ve seen a lot of trends come and go. Some have survived and others died a deserved death in mental gutters across great swaths of our nation. Often, these trends will come at a time where financial stability will subsidize the most ludicrous among them.

Pet Rocks.
Pokemon cards.
Polyester leisure suits.
The Nehru jacket.
Evian water.

These are just things that once served as a brief conversation starter and now as the part of a conversation where you admit shame and confess to the folly of shopping after drinking.  I’m going to attempt to save you from yourself from a new trend.

Stop teaching your children to begin the Star Wars saga with Episode I.

In order to begin the tale with The Phantom Menace instead of A New Hope is to accept that a good story needs to be enjoyed in order. In fact, it’s true that George Lucas believes I through VII is the way it should be viewed.

Sure it is, George.

After all, that’s the way you released it, right? Oh, sorry… you skipped three entire stories, spared us JarJar Binks when we hardly new you existed, and took us right to a view of an orphaned boy standing on a mound, staring at two moons, contemplating just what in Hell he is supposed to do now.

Right, George.

The Godfather would have been so-o-o much better had we started in the village of Corleone during a funeral procession rather than listening to the pleas of a mortician who wanted justice. Let’s start A Christmas Carol at Ebenezer’s childhood rather than have a strong sense of a man who is given one night to consider the direction of his life. After all, if a story needs to be told in sequence of events in order to become a classic bit of literature or cinema while eliminating the single most important plot twist in all of Hollywood history… well, I just don’t know, then.

No… I do know.

Parents: resist. Resist you must. You had the benefit of having your eyes turn to saucers toward the end of The Empire Strikes Back. I’m sure there is a state or federal statute somewhere that requires you to watch the soon-to-be octet of movies in their original release order.  Be a law-abiding citizen.

Do the right thing. Do it for the children. Be a mensch.

Seeing Jarjar without the comfort of knowing there are better days coming is criminal.

2 thoughts on “Please, stop.

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